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Letter to Employees Regarding Language Use

Dear Employees:
 
It has  been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the  company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with  their co-workers. Due to complaints received from employees who may be easily  offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do,  however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express  your feelings when communicating with other co-workers.
 
Therefore, a list of  18 New and Innovative .. TRY SAYING phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of  ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more  training.
INSTEAD  OF:
You  don't know what the f___ you're doing.
 
2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive  go-getter.
INSTEAD  OF:
She's a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work  late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect  me to do this?

4) TRY  SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f______ way.
 

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD  OF:
You've got to be sh__ing me!
 
6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you  should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my  f______ problem.

8)  TRY SAYING:
That's  interesting.
INSTEAD  OF:
What the  f___?
 
9) TRY  SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.
 
10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to  schedule that.
INSTEAD  OF:
Why the h___ didn't you tell me sooner?
 
11) TRY SAYING:
He's not  familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his  a__.
 
12) TRY  SAYING:
Excuse me,  sir?
INSTEAD  OF:
Eat sh__ and  die.
 
13) TRY  SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a__.
 
14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at  the moment.
INSTEAD  OF:
F___ it, I'm on  salary.
 
15) TRY  SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a  challenge.
INSTEAD  OF:
This job sucks.

17) TRY  SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the h___ died and  made you boss?
 
18) TRY SAYING:
He's  somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a  pr_ck.

Thank  You,
Human  Resources