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Badly Interpreted Instruction Manual

My Scooter came with an Owner's Manual, translated from Chinese to English. Well, sort of. This is a masterpiece where bad translation is concerned. I've taken my favorites and have provided them here for your entertainment. I have duplicated the punctuation and grammatical errors (mostly capitalization) as they appear in the manual.

Opening Page:
"Thank you for pucrhasing motorcycle. welcome you to add the team of motorcycle drivers."

"Particular to make you drive safe and comfortably . please read the manual carefully and pay special attention to the content of mesing."

At the bottom of the opening page, a disclaimer: "If the specification changes, the figure of this book and content may have difference with the fact without notice."

• Safe Driving
  Many accidents happened to not have been through out the test by the traffic administration, it's forbidden to lend the motorcycle to the man who knows little about driving.
• The accident betweencar and motorcycle ,it is mostly due to that driver ,make yourself showy enough to avoid being hurt by another.

Open the signal lamps when turning or changing your driving way to avoid terrifying another one.
When another one is coming toward you, keep calm.

Miscellaneous
Caution: It is forbidden to operate the ignition key when driving.

Warning: If the brake liquid is drunk by mistaken or splashed into eyes or skin, it harms to body. Please find the doctor speedily.

Maintenance
Service should be performed after long time's no-using.

Trouble Removing
(I have no idea what they are talking about)
When the motorcycle is in trouble, please contact directly with the manage parts or service station. Certainly you can remove it yourself.
(Remove what myself?)

• Check if the fuel in the fuel tank is enough or not
• Check if hte fuel flows to the carburetor from fuel tank and fuel tube or not.
• Check the ignition system if the fuel system is normal or not. Screen, carburetor should be cleaned and choked.