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Funny Stuff > Rednecks - Rules for Visiting in Indiana

Rules for Visiting in Indiana

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a flock of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. We didn't work our way to the top of the food chain just to be a vegetarian.

8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

9. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too, and turtle. If you really want sushi and caviar...it's available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 65 goes two ways.....get on it.

15. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You can get breakfast at the church.

16. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept or we'll kick your butt.

17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

18. Don't ask us to do ANYTHING in May. That's race month. We are at the Speedway. We live there.

19. State Tree? Yeah, we've got a State Tree. It's any tree with a basketball goal nailed to it.

Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.